…and it turned out to epic.
I don’t typically eat fast food. And I definitely don’t typically eat a bacon cheeseburger if I’m getting fast food. But today was just one of those days.
It started with forgetting to eat breakfast. Ugh. I hate that I have to admit that this happened. When I hear other people say they forgot to eat, I feel the urge to make fun of them mercilessly. After all, one can forget their keys or forget where you put your shoes. But forgetting to eat?? That takes a special kind of stupid. Unfortunately, this morning, I was that special kind of stupid.
I was handing back exams in the 500-person economics lecture that I co-teach. I was nervous about dealing with the students and their surprisingly low grades. I was nervous about going through the exam, because I needed to make sure I knew all the answers perfectly. And because of all this preparation, I didn’t remember that I hadn’t eaten until it was time to hurry to the classroom.
Fast forward about two hours. I’ve handed the exams back. I’ve had students in my office for an hour dealing with score disputes. It’s 12:45pm. I’m dying. But I’ve agreed to meet Matt for lunch. And at this point, I might as well wait. So I wait an agonizing 15 minutes. Then I consume my blueberry bagel all too quickly.
Fast forward two more hours. I’m out running errands, and the blueberry bagel is gone from my system. I am starved. I see a Wendy’s, and I think, “I’ve been meaning to try one of those pretzel bun sandwich things…”
Side note: I am obsessed with soft pretzel anything. Anyone who has ever been to a sporting event with me knows that I spend the entire time searching for the concession stand with the soft pretzels and nacho cheese dipping sauce. It is the sole reason I ever attend these events.
I debate for a few minutes whether I actually need to eat at Wendy’s. Then I realize that I’ve got at least two more hours of errands, and if I want to get anything done, I need to just eat. So I pull into the drive-thru line. (And can I just say that I hate that the sign with the list of all the food is only visible when you actually reach the front of the line. I spent the entire time wondering what kind of pretzel bun sandwich it was that I wanted. I never eat at Wendy’s.)
When I get to the speaker, I don’t want to be that person who spends forever perusing the menu and holding up the line. So I see “Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger”, and even though I think, “I’m pretty sure that’s not what I want,” I quickly order one. As I pull around the corner, I finally spot the sign for the “Pretzel Pub Chicken”, and I realize that’s what I actually wanted!! But it’s too late…
I reluctantly accept that I’ve ordered the wrong item. I pay for it and place the bag in the passenger’s seat. I pull up to the stop sign and wait for an opening so I can pull out. The traffic is pretty thick, so I decide to take the opportunity to get out my cheeseburger. I open the box, and my jaw drops. Seriously. This is the most beautiful cheeseburger I’ve ever seen. The bacon is perfectly curled on the edges. The lettuce looks super crisp. The bun is perfect round and not at all smashed.
The burger is so perfect that I immediately put the car in reverse, back up, and find a parking space. I’ve decided that eating this burger deserves my full attention. I carefully choose my first bite, and OH MY GOD. I can’t even think. God clearly hid that “Pretzel Pub Chicken” sign so that I would be forced to order the pretzel bacon cheeseburger so that I could have this moment. It’s that good. Seriously. I moan loudly, then remember I’m in public. Then I do it again anyway. It’s sooooo good. The bacon. The cheese. And… this mysterious magical sauce that I didn’t even know was going to be a part of the adventure. Why do I not eat fast food again??
When I sadly finish my magical burger, I resume my task of running errands, obnoxiously full. I feel disgusting, and I almost pass out on my way to Kohl’s. But it was worth it. So worth it.